Three Rangers Walk Into A Bar
by Red Witch
Summary: In the early days of the Series Five Team, Doc tries a little male bonding with predictable results.


**The disclaimer saying that I don't own any Galaxy Ranger characters has gone off to a bar somewhere. This bit of insanity takes place during the early days of the Series Five team. **

**Three Rangers Walk Into A Bar**

"Gentlemen this is going to be a night to remember," Doc crowed as he escorted Shane and Zach into the bar on Earth.

"That's what I'm afraid of," Zach grumbled.

"Hey it's not often we get a night off and your kids are on a field trip," Doc told him. "So why not take a ride into town for a drink?"

"I don't think this is a good idea. I'm not even supposed to leave the base," Shane frowned.

"Goose, they shoot you into outer space all the time with enough fuel to take you more than halfway to nowhere and stay there," Doc gave him a look. "If you really wanted to leave I think you would have escaped by now. Relax! If there's any trouble we'll just say that the Captain ordered it."

"Me?" Zach gave him a look.

"Well you are the senior officer," Doc told him as they sat down. "Barkeep! Three of your finest ales if you please!"

"Why are we doing this?" Shane asked.

"Beats the hell out of me," Zach shrugged.

"We are doing this because it's an exercise in team bonding and I'm sick of being cooped up in BETA all day," Doc explained as they got their drinks.

"If this is a team bonding thing then why isn't Niko here?" Shane asked.

"Because he wants to get drunk and pick up women," Zach explained.

"No one is getting drunk," Doc corrected him.

"I don't think you're going to pick up any women either," Shane quipped.

"Just because I don't have perfect muscles and looks a movie star would kill for doesn't mean I am not a man experienced in the ways of women," Doc gave Shane a look. "Oh wait, I do have that."

"No I mean I don't see too many women here," Shane pointed out. The bar was filled with mostly male rangers and soldiers.

"Don't get technical," Doc gave him a look. "Drink up boys this rounds on me!"

Zach just looked at his glass while Shane took a surprisingly careful sip. "Okay maybe I didn't make myself clear," Doc stated. "This night is about **fun**. Fun as in F-U-N. Not F-U-N-E-R-A-L! Got it?"

Neither man spoke. "Don't just jump in all at once," Doc quipped.

"Jumping in is the Goose's specialty," Zach grumbled.

"You are not still on about **that** are you?" Shane glared at his captain. "We got the smugglers!"

"We also nearly got third degree burns!" Zach snapped at him.

"That fire was nowhere near as bad as it could have been," Shane waved.

"There shouldn't have been any fire at **all** if you had followed procedure…" Zach glared at the younger man.

"If I **had** they would have gotten away," Shane glared at him. "Newsflash Captain, not everyone follows the rules. Especially the bad guys!"

"I noticed!" Zach snapped.

Doc groaned to himself. They had been a unit for only three months and both men were still in the 'butting heads' phase. The by the book captain and the reckless live for the moment Supertrooper often didn't see things eye to eye. True it hadn't gone so bad that they had come to blows, but it was still annoying to the laid back hacker.

"Not everyone can heal themselves Gooseman!" Zach snapped.

"And not everyone can just sit by and wait for things to happen!" Shane retorted.

"Some fun evening this turned out to be," Doc grumbled as he rested his head on one hand. "Hanging out with two guys with inferiority complexes."

Both Zach and Shane gave him harsh looks at this remark. "Just what do you mean by **that **crack?" Shane snapped.

"Since when are **you** a psychologist?" Zach added.

"Well it doesn't take a genius to see how much you two are so wrapped up in your own problems," Doc remarked. "You two are so much alike it's not funny."

"I'm not like **him!**" Both Zach and Shane pointed to each other and yelled at the same time.

"HA!" Doc snorted. "Both of you think your problems are so awful and put up this macho tough guy façade…"

"Façade? For Gooseman it's a way of life!" Zach snapped.

"At least I don't **whine** all the time about bionic arms and legs," Shane glared at him.

"I don't trust technology that much all right!" Zach told him.

"Or anything **made** by technology, am I right?" Shane snapped.

"Not **everything** is about you, Gooseman!" Zach glared at the younger man. "Some of us have **real **problems!"

"Problems? You actually think you're the **only** one with relatives in the Cryocrypt?" Shane shot back. "At least you're going to get your wife back. Besides, all you've got is some mechanical body parts. No big deal!"

"No big deal? I'm part machine! You have no idea what it's like to feel so damn inhuman," The words were out of Zach's mouth before he realized what he was saying and to **who** he was saying them too.

Shane did a double take. "I **don't?"**

"Told you," Doc took another sip of beer. "Exactly alike."

"Will you knock it off ?" Zach snapped at Doc. He gave a glare at Shane who was laughing. "What's so funny?"

"Come on Captain," Shane snorted. "You telling a **Supertrooper** how inhuman you feel? Yeah that's a first!"

"I guess it does sound a little silly when you put it like that," Zach amended.

"Yeah you're **nothing** like me," Shane smirked.

"You're lucky we let you drink with us," Doc snickered.

"All right, I get it!" Zach held up his hand. "I get it!" He finished his beer and ordered another.

Shane couldn't stop snickering. "That's the best laugh I've had in **weeks**," He grinned. "Well that and the time I saw Senator Wheiner fall flat on his face on Tri-D."

"**Everyone** loved that," Doc snickered. Then he realized something. "It was him wasn't it?"

"What do you mean?" Shane asked.

"Wheiner was the person responsible for the disaster at Wolf Den wasn't he?" Doc asked softly.

Shane's eyes widened. "How did you…?"

"It wasn't that hard to figure out," Doc told him. "Especially if you have the right tools."

"How could a man like that get away with…?" Zach was shocked.

"Because he has a lot of friends and influence over a lot of people," Shane's eyes hardened. "And the Commander had to…He had to choose how to take him down."

"You mean he chose to protect you over getting revenge," Zach realized.

"Yeah," Shane closed his eyes and nodded. "So stop whining about your wife, Captain. At least there's a **chance** for you of getting her back."

Neither man chose to say a word. It was the closest they had ever seen the younger man open up about anything. "I think we're getting off topic here," Doc decided to change the subject. "Come on Gooseman, drink up!"

"I am," Shane pointed to the still mostly full glass of beer.

"You really are nursing that aren't you?" Zach finished his second glass.

"Let's just say Supertroopers have to be careful with what they drink," Shane smirked.

"I thought your systems could handle anything, even when not using the implant?" Doc blinked.

"We can, to a degree," Shane shrugged as he took another sip. "But even we can get drunk if we're not careful."

"Then you'd better stay careful," Zach warned. "The last thing we need is a drunken Supertrooper causing problems."

A hour later…

BOOOM! The jukebox exploded in a blaze of thunderbolt glory.

"He was right," Shane smirked. "A drunken Supertrooper is **nothing** compared to a drunken captain with a bionic arm!"

"Did you **have** to blow up the jukebox?" Doc yelled at Zach.

"It was playing the wrong song," Zach hiccupped. He slumped into his seat.

"He's a fun drunk," Shane grinned.

"Uh sorry about that," Doc deftly pulled Zach's credit card out of his pocket and handed it too the bartender. "Put it on his tab."

"Yeah well I also want to see your ID's," The bartender growled.

"ID's? What for?" Shane looked at him.

"City policy to do random checks," The bartender snarled.

"So what's the problem?" Doc shrugged. "All we gotta do is show our IDs that say we're over twenty one. Well the Captain doesn't have to…"

"What do you mean?" Shane asked. "Over twenty one?"

"The legal age limit in this city for drinking," Doc explained, giving him a look.

"Twenty one?" Shane blinked. "I think we have a problem. I'm only nineteen."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE ONLY **NINETEEN**?" Doc yelled glaring at his nearly seven foot body. "YOU DON'T **LOOK** NINETEEN!"

"What can I say? They grew us big down on Wolf Den," Shane shrugged.

_"Down on the farm…"_ Zach warbled in a drunk voice.

"Great! A drunk captain and an underage Supertrooper," Doc rolled his eyes. "When will I ever learn that no good deed goes unpunished?"

"Supertrooper?" He heard someone shout. There were a group of angry security soldiers glaring at them.

"They actually let that **freak** loose?" Another security officer snarled. "That animal should be locked away!"

"You got a problem with one of **my** men?" Zach snapped and whirled on the security officers.

"Yeah we don't like freaks and their diseases infecting our world," The angry security officer snarled.

"Well then we'll just leave," Doc said cheerfully trying to grab Zach. "Come along Captain. Time for Beddie Bye!"

"Hold your water Doc!" Shane pulled Doc away from Zach. "I gotta see this!"

"Listen you pea brained bigot," Zach grabbed the security officer by the neck. "That man happens to be a fellow Galaxy Ranger and one of the most loyal men I've had the pleasure of working with! You got a problem with him, you got a problem with **me!** Got it?"

"Yeah and you're gonna get it!" The officer struggled with Zach.

"Oh dear," Doc gulped. "This is going to get ugly…"

POW! The officer flew across the room. Immediately several men tried to tackle Zach but fortunately he still had a charge in his arm so he was able to knock them back.

One soldier snuck up on Shane and hit him on the back with a wooden chair. Shane calmly looked around and growled at him. The man tried to flee in terror but Shane grabbed him and flung him headfirst across the bar.

"Now **this** is a fun night out!" Shane whooped as he fought with Zach back to back.

"I was right," Doc sighed as his two companions brawled with the officers. "Check please!"

Twenty five minutes and several broken pieces of furniture later…

"I can't take the two of you **anywhere **can I?" Doc snapped as he dragged the two men back to BETA. Actually he and Shane were dragging a happy and still drunk Zach.

"Hey I'm not the one who started the fight," Shane pointed out. "And I'm certainly not the one who set fire to that one guy's shoes."

"I was merely pointing out the hazards of smoking in an enclosed area," Doc coughed. "But you are the one that nearly killed us with your insane driving!"

"What do you mean?" Shane asked. "So I ran a few dozen red lights? Made good time. Not like the captain could drive."

_"I could drive all night…"_ Zach snickered drunkenly.

"No you couldn't!" Doc snapped. "Now let's get inside before…"

"Before **what **Ranger Hartford?" Commander Walsh was standing before them.

"Commander Walsh how good to see you," Doc chirped happily. "Uh I can explain! It's all Zachery's fault! He made us go!"

"What? It was **your** idea!" Shane snapped.

"Was not!" Doc challenged.

"Was too!"

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Oooh look how shiny the ground is," Zach remarked in a drunken stupor. Without thinking both Doc and Shane dropped him as they were fighting. "Ooh! Hard too."

"And they wonder why we send them out on missions as far away from Earth as possible?" Commander Walsh groaned to himself.


End file.
